I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
