I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize
