Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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