i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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