Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
