I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
3 2 1 whiskey
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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