remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
