A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
