I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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