Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
