I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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