Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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