I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
