i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
