Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
