I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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