I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
