3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Screwed.edu
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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