ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
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He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
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We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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