So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
