i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
