True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
