So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
