Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
