I am in a vortex of obligation.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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