First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
