I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I wish I only lived at night.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
