Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
cat food counts as protein by the way
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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