you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
