i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I've blown a few things in my day
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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