Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
