maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
