I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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