Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
