Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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