Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Barsexuality is the new black.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
