adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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