i don't like sucking hair
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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