dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
