I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
