just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I had to cum in my sink.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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