If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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