suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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