i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize