you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
