be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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