I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
