Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
