Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
