Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
