Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
