we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Randomize
