why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
