tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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