Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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