Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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