I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
