Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
