I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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