i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
