he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize