You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And then my night got REAL pukey
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
