He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
