His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You were trust falling into bushes
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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