Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
