I just threw up on my dentist
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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