this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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