You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
