Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We got so high we made milksteak
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
