Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
