Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
