stop calling my apartment porn island.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
